Cologne Christmas Special

So... we're back.

Whilst there was an ever-so-slim chance of this blog continuing after the South American adventure had finished, the bleak reality of hangovers, lectures and grey British skies soon put an end to that. As the blog was showered with a mixture of praise and piss-taking comments on Nottingham's finest nights out, I couldn't help but feel a sense of vacancy without it in my life. I mean, it was nice to verbally share life thoughts with actual English humans instead of a non-responsive blogging site, but the writing was something I missed.

I couldn't just start again though - there was no chance that I was going to illustrate a night in Ocean as an opener to the comeback tour - and I needed a reason to write. With that in mind, a pre-Christmas trip to Cologne in Germany was the ideal opportunity to soak in some blog magic and ensure that Time to Make Some Mates could make a suitably stunning return to the spotlight. It was the Robbie to my Take That.

The glamour of the comeback was quickly brought back down to Earth as a 5am start at Manchester airport somberly drizzled all over my parade (this ego-driven stance may or may not continue but for now I'm enjoying it). I flew out to Germany with my girlfriend Coralie, yet the Scrooges at RyanAir made sure that our £20 fare would not allow us to sit together and we were promptly separated. We weren't the only ones and a variety of puzzled families and couples went their separate ways to find their cramped individual seats on Michael O'Leary's capital-sucking sleigh. Talk about the charm of the Irish...

The arrival in Cologne was equally as grey as the northern mist we had left behind, yet the true cloud swirled around a fond nemesis of mine: the language. I've never studied German before - and neither had Coralie - so the array of metro stations, signed commands and local cries were the perfect storm for a complete headf**k. This climaxed with our first glances at local menus; three-quarters of the options boasted over twenty-seven syllables and a quick Google re(veal)ed the true nature of some local cuisine. We decided that Italian dinners would be the flavour of the trip.

The main reason that brought us to Cologne was the Christmas Markets. Now I'd visited the British versions of these markets and I'd never been particularly blown away. But this was the real deal.

The wooden huts were covered with red cloth roofs and were inhibited by traditionally dressed Germans (surprising that) who pumped fumes of local food and drink into the frosty city air. A glance upwards was greeted with a sea of LED stars, which covered the crowds of wrapped-up visitors before wrapping themselves around the enormous pillars of wood and pine needles which were freshly imported from local forests. I'm not necessarily one for fairy lights, but this was pretty impressive. It was Christmas decoration done right.

The markets were our opportunity to dig into some of the local delicacies; the sight of the grills and skewers over a raw crackling fire was much more reassuring than the tongue-twister menus. We enjoyed regular Bratwurst hot dogs, with one variation pumped with hot fondue cheese that warmed the body all the way through. The perfect accompaniment was a mug of steaming Glühwein (mulled wine) which we sipped with a view of the ice rink. It was mid-afternoon drinking and that's what constitutes the real joy of Christmas.

We managed to enjoy some of the other attractions that Cologne had to offer between our feasting on pork and wine. We visited not one but TWO museums in the space of 48 hours, which made us frighteningly aware of the fact that we were getting old. Admittedly, one of those was the Lindt Chocolate Museum and the other involved a bit of cutting and sticking in the interactive section of the Ludwig Modern Art Museum, but they were still museums and that's what counts. The former involved being barged in front of by a group of snotty German schoolkids, who grabbed their free samples like a troop of Augustus Gloops.

Maybe the Grinch had it right all the long...

The stalwart of the city is the Dom cathedral that stands tall slap bang in the middle of Cologne. The double-spiralled masterpiece took over 600 years to build and was as gothic as it gets. We explored inside to find the gold-plated relics of the Three Wise Men (yep, really them) before ascending the 533 steps to the top of the South Tower. The views at the top were as hazy as impressive but after the glute-burning trek, we were determined to appreciate it as much as possible.

And just like that, via a few more Bratwursts, Glühweins and even an Eierlikör (eggnog), and we were waiting at 4:20am for the first metro of the morning. The station was called Barbarossaplatz... I rest my case. Now seeming masters of one of the more complex metro systems I'd come across, we made our way back to the airport on zero sleep and returned to the sardine tin of the RyanAir Boeing. The trip had come to an end and the levels of Christmas festivity were through the roof (making up for those sapped by end-of-term library sessions just the week before).

Overall, I'd highly recommend the Christmas markets (in any German town) to anybody that's into the whole festive thing. They're authentic, tasty, boozy and the perfect place to spend a few winter's days. The locals are a bit crazy but were mostly friendly to my hopeless attempts to communicate in a 'delicate' blend of oddly-pronounced English and terribly-pronounced German; I think I'm gonna stick to the Latino stuff.

I hope you've all enjoyed the Christmas special, but unless Nottingham university life perks up in the spring semester it may be a long wait until the next entry. The next trip is to Madrid in April so watch this space...

Danke fürs Lesen! (Google Translate job, might be wrong)